M'kay-A Complete History Of the Mackeys
by Completely Original Pen Name
Summary: This is a short story depicting the life habits of the Mackeys. It explains their personalities, mating habits, and much more. Please read if you want to be educated on Mackeys. This is also a thorough guide on the Cartmen as well.
1. Chapter 1

It's 1,000 years in the future. Mankind has changed greatly, into a new superior form. This form is Mr Mackey.

Millions of Mackeys roam the streets every day, wearing green shirts, glasses, and greeting each other with a friendly nod and an "M'kay."

All the Mackeys live in large apartments, as the Mackey population is in its hundred-trillions. Mackeys have developed a way of storing all trash in one small place, so the earth is much cleaner and more efficient. All wars have ceased, as the Mackeys are peaceful creatures.

Mackeys reproduce in a special way. When a Mackey loves another Mackey, the first Mackey will go up to the second and say "M'kay?" If the second Mackey replies with an "M'kay!", then the two Mackeys will study the history of sexual intercourse before one Mackey swallows the other whole. The Mackey that is swallowed splits into four smaller Mackeys. The four smaller Mackeys take only a month or so to grow completely. Once they're grown, they split through their carrier's abnormally large head-this does, of course, kill the carrier Mackey. The mini Mackeys then consume the corpse of their carriers before starting on their lives.

Mackeys are all educated for four years. They learn everything there is to learn about life, from the mating rituals, to simple mathematics, to how to make a mean cherry pie.

Once the Mackeys are educated, they get assigned a job. They're similar to jobs in the past-there are teacher Mackeys, firefighter Mackeys, police Mackeys... The list goes on and on.

Every once in a while, a Mackey goes bad. The most notable example is from 3010, when a rogue Mackey tried to rob a bank at watergunpoint. The Mackey was quickly euthanized.

Mackey language consists mostly of the word "M'kay". "M'kay" has an infinite number of meanings, each one unique. Some other words Mackeys say are "buns", "poo" and "bich" (Latin for "generosity"-the Mackeys are generous creatures as well as peaceful).

Mackeys live to be forty years old. Once a Mackey has reached its peak, the other Mackeys throw a giant feast. The main course is the dead body of the deceased Mackey. It is served with a side of french fries and homemade cherry pie.

The Mackeys have no government, and no religion. They are kind and caring of each other, so they have no reason for either thing.

Mackeys do, however, live in fear of the Cartmen. The Cartmen population is only in the millions, but the Cartmen are the human embodiment of evil. They torment the Mackeys at every chance, with insults and mocking. The Cartmen then go back to their caves, where they feast all day on Cheesy Poofs, Snacky Cakes, and chicken pot pies.

And that, dear readers, was a brief history of the Mackey species.


	2. Folklore-The Mackey And The Cartman

The following is one of the most popular fairytales in the Mackey culture. Some Mackey storytellers change the story so it's two Mackeys and not a Mackey and a Cartman. Some Mackey storytellers even change the ending to one less sad.

Every part of this story is fictional, including the Great Mackey-Cartman war described in the beginning. Mackeys and Cartmen have never had a true war. Mostly, Cartmen attack the Mackeys until they get bored or hungry, to which they then go back into hiding. Of course, some Mackeys argue that the whole coexistence of Mackeys and Cartmen has been a war of sorts.

This story is extremely controversial to Mackeys, and it is not recommended reading if you are easily offended.

There is a glossary at the end for anything that needs explaining.

THE MACKEY AND THE CARTMAN: A LOVE STORY

The year was 2636. It was the middle of the Great Mackey-Cartman war. The war had been going on for hundreds of years, and both sides hated each other. Every day, the Cartmen came and taunted the Mackeys endlessly, and went so far as to leave giant turds all over the Mackey city. It was quite unpleasant.

One day, a young Cartman got lost in the Mackey Forest. The Cartman was scared, lonely, and cold. It cried for it's mommy as it wandered around.

However, it was not it's mommy the young Cartman found, but instead a Mackey! This Mackey was also young, and was also scared, lonely, and cold.

The Cartman knew that the Mackey was supposed to be it's sworn enemy. The Cartman even had the necessary weapons to destroy the Mackey. But the Mackey looked so beautiful, pure, and innocent. It wasn't at all what the Cartmen elders made a Mackey out to be.

The Mackey stared at the Cartman. The Mackey was equally confused. The Cartman seemed so harmless.

The Mackey held out it's hand, and in the hand was a single flower. The flower was white, and had a smell like no other flower.

"Bich." The Mackey said shyly. This, of course, meant the Mackey was trying to give a gift to the Cartman.

Knowing it shouldn't, the Cartman took the flower and pocketed it. "Thanks..." The Cartman whispered in fear of being heard.

The Mackey blushed a light pink. "M'kay."

The Cartman smiled a little. "M'kay."

The Mackey smiled back.

Just then, there was the sound of Cartman footsteps coming towards the two youths. Quickly, they shared a sweet kiss before the Mackey ran away.

The Cartman, out of breath, found it's youth. Completely unaware of what had just happened, the parent Cartman took it's child home.

The Cartman and the Mackey slowly grew up, as all Cartmen and Mackeys do. They both thought of each other almost all the time.

Eventually, the Cartman became old enough for Fart Duty (1). The Cartman had been training it's whole life for this. When the day finally came, the Cartman broke into the first home it found. Before the gas could be released from the Cartman's colon, the Cartman felt a wave of nostalgia.

The Mackey happened to be the same Mackey that the Cartman had fallen in love with all those years ago. The Cartman ran up to the Mackey, and it initiated the Cartman Mating Ceremony (2). The Mackey was confused, but it liked this strange sort of contact.

The Cartman proceeded with the mating process. The Mackey and the Cartman kissed passionately, and then the Cartman slowly took off it's beloved Mackey's pants.

The Cartman put it's finger inside of the Mackey, and the Mackey was now carrying the Cartman's child.

Unfortunately, the Cartman still had to fart out the Mackey. It was in it's DNA. The Cartman released a smelly sulfurous fart. The Mackey immediately dropped dead. The Cartman started crying, and held the dead Mackey in it's arms. Since the Cartmen aren't invincible against their own farts, the Cartman died quickly as well.

The two corpses were found, still holding each other. They were buried together, as nothing could break them apart.

GLOSSARY

1-Fart duty is when a Cartman goes into a Mackey's home and farts them out. Cartman farts are the most vile things ever, and all Mackeys that aren't killed immediately leave their house. The house is then unlivable. Back when this story took place, Mackeys all lived in individual homes. Now, because of them living in apartments, the Farts are much more serious.

2-The Cartman mating ceremony is far different from that of the Mackeys. The Cartmans start by kissing the top of another Cartman's head (or, in this case, a Mackey's head). The Cartmen then kiss on the mouth, and it ends when one Cartman inserts it's finger into the other Cartman's butthole. The finger then falls off and forms into a new Cartman, who is then pooped out in three month's time. Because of the finger method, you can tell of a Cartman's sexual activity by how many fingers they have left. Many Cartmen get fake fingers, as Cartmen are cruel creatures, and ridicule those who are parents.


	3. The Macklemores

There are two more breeds of creatures that lurk the earth along with the Mackeys and Cartmen. These two species are called the Filmores and the Macklemores.

Filmores are small, mean creatures. They are very similar to modern-day rodents. The Filmores have a strict government, where a king and queen Filmore are elected every year. The main problem Filmores have is competition amongst themselves. Unlike the Mackeys (who are peaceful) and the Cartmen (who wish only to destroy the Mackeys), the Filmores fight amongst themselves, often to the point of death. Because of this reason, the Filmores are facing extinction and can only be found in remote locations, such as wedged in a Cartman's double chin, or hiding in a Mackey's bed of hay.

The Filmores communicate in high, childish noises, mostly grunts and whines.

The Macklemores are a hybrid of Mackeys and Filmores. The origin of the Macklemores happened long ago, when a rogue Filmore and a rogue Mackey were trapped together in a cave for three months. When they were finally able to be rescued, it was found that they had reproduced, creating Macklemores. Experts are unsure of how they reproduced, as the Mackey was still alive and the Filmores reproduce asexually. Nevertheless, the Macklemores were created.

It was quickly discovered that Macklemores reproduced asexually, like the Filmores, but it always resulted in the parent Macklemore dying, as with the Mackeys. The Macklemores are basically tiny angry Mackeys. They have a bad tendency of biting and sometimes drawing blood, which was what led to the Great Macklemore Crisis.

This was a dark time for Mackeys, Cartmen, and Filmores alike. The Macklemores were small enough that they could sneak under doorways without being detected. The bloodthirsty creatures would then attack the sleeping Mackey, Cartman, or Filmore and suck its blood until death. This led to a decrease in population of all three species, and a terrifying growth in Macklemores.

This was one of the few times that all three species got together in a peaceful manner. Using an experimental Macklemore, it was discovered that they cannot stand being in a home also occupied by a Cartman poop. The Cartmen were hesitant to give up their most valued natural resource, but the Mackeys and Filmores gave the Cartmen unlimited access to their Cheesy Poof crops for a year. This led to the Great Mackey Famine, but that's a different story.

Within months, the Macklemores slowly disappeared. It is unsure what happened to them, but it is still Mackey tradition to keep a Cartman turd on their fireplace just in case the Macklemores are still lurking.


End file.
